he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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