Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
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