I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
as a side note pls kill me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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