mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
