i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
