I don't remember. Are we still dating?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
