oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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