Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
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I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
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She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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