He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
