I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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