Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
