Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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