My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
