Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
try to milk me bitch
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
