Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
