Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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