so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
