My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You ruined the universe
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
