Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
