Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
