We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
