i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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