remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
