I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
