You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
