she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
