she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
