they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
