i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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