suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
