Where are you?
In a non slutty way
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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