Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
