your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
