My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
