Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
