so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
