Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
