I wish they made helmets for livers.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
