can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
