I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
