So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dear god my vagina.
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