DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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