I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
