he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize