I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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