omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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