Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm jealous of your bromance
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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