he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
