oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
