found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The power of my boobs compel you
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
