when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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