Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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