Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
