Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
