I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
