Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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