dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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