So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
