I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
