If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him