Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing