grandma shit on top of the toilet
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch