He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.