I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff