Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing