I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
