Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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