Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
