I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
