so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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