I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
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She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
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"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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