i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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