You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
