he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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